The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown.
What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He's been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he's here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch — or several. I'm in a pickle.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've been hanging out with a close friend's ex-girlfriend, platonically, after we ran into each other at Starbucks. We have a real connection. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm kind of obsessed.
And I think she wants to take it to the next level, too. The problem is, my friend had a deep relationship with this girl, and I think he's still kind of in love with her. So what do I do here? Can I get away with dating my friend's ex?
Will he be able to handle this? This is a tough one, because dating a friend's ex is one of the most essential dating taboos.
Which is that people never really get over significant romantic relationships. I don't mean that you can never be happy again after breaking up with someone.
Of course you can. But it's largely a matter of Is dating a friends ex bad. You get a new and even prettier girlfriend, or hang out with your friends more, or get into jiu jitsu or knitting.
You get a new life so you don't spend all your time sitting around and crying about your old one like the baby you are. Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now.
All of those old wounds stick Is dating a friends ex bad, just waiting to be re-opened. You're always going to feel weird when you see your ex, at least a little bit. If you're still friends with your exit wasn't that serious, or it's still serious. And, if you date your friends' ex, you're telling your friend that your romantic feelings are more important than their happiness.
Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive.
Of course, that's going to hurt. Inherently, it's a selfish thing. You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex? It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it. It's possible that you've got an uncommon romance on your hands.
Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for. If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings. Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make.
Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible. First, be real with yourself. Is this girl really special to you? Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for?
Those two things are so, so easily confused. Approach these questions with the maximum possible skepticism about yourself. If you feel fluttery every time you talk to a pretty girl, keep that in mind. If you're currently lonely and you really need to get laid, consider that maybe you're just desperate.
And dwell on the fact that some of your excitement might just come from the taboo nature of this potential relationship, because, like everyone else, you want what's off-limits. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that your crush on this girl is just like any other crush.
It's a fun illusion, which, if pursued, might reveal a great relationship, or might not. Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women. I found out about this the hard way, in a similar situation.
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Tom, one of my childhood friends, was always kind of bummed out, until Is dating a friends ex bad met Josie, a fast-talking, high-energy woman who brought him out of his shell. They had a sparkling relationship — they were one of those couples that just radiated warm, gooey, nauseating passion — and I was super envious of it.
Also, obviously, Josie was an outrageously foxy person: There was only one weird thing about her, which is that I would occasionally catch her looking at me a little funny.
I suspected that she had a low-key crush on me. About a year after she dumped Tom abruptly, leaving him a sniveling wreck, I discovered that I was correct. We ran into each other at a party. Flirting with each other was easy, taking each other's clothes off was easy, and it felt like fate — like Is dating a friends ex bad magic — and it kept feeling like absolute magic for about a month, at which point I discovered that she was kind of boring, or at least that we bored each other.
In the end, I got about five dates out of it, in exchange for an irreparably ruined friendship. Tom found out, and he never forgave me. Now, if you're sure that this is not you, that this is Real Love you're looking at, then what you have to do is tell your friend what's up. Tell your friend about your intentions, and ask him if there's any way you can make the process easier for him.
This conversation will not go well. Because, again, you're declaring to an old friend that you're prepared to disregard his feelings. That's the truth of the situation. There's no two ways about it. It's going to hurt even if you say all the nice things you should say — that you're still going to be his friend, that you're going to try not to Instagram this girl obsessively, etc.
Ultimately, dating a friend's ex is inadvisable. But sometimes, you have to do inadvisable things for love. Think you could use some dating help, too?
Dating a pal's ex-partner can put strain on the closest friendships, but is it worth the risk, asks Danae Mercer. Is dating a friend's ex always the backstabbing and thoughtless move it's not wrong to pick your future husband over your college roommate.
Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex? Well, actually, no.
Originally Answered: Is it advisable...
It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it.
Yes, you may as many people tend to get completely wrapped up in your own feelings and give the middle finger to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, but if one of your besties decided to start humping your ex, would you be supportive or forgiving?
Thirdly, yet without intending to come across as territorial in a caveman-defecating-on-his-patch-of-land sort of way, that person was with you and was part of your life. They were someone who significantly contributed to shaping the person you are today. Anyone familiar with Friends will be fully aware of how often they swapped and shared partners.
Not only is that his best friend, but he massively betrayed him. Being honest, showing respect, and having trust in one another is the key trinity to BFFs. The 6 types of relationship you need to have experienced before you even consider marriage.
Name City About Self Interest Profile Tammy B. Holm Shreveport USA I'm a really good some loving and caring. Coital alignment technique follow... Gertrude D. Gerard Searcy USA I`m a cheerful, life-loving, positive and optimistic lady who is responsible and reliable and who wants to find her love and happiness. Cake Decorating follow... Vilma D. Corley Sweetwater USA I like to gladden other people and see them smiling. Keep A Journal follow... Freida T. McGreevy Hopewell USA I am looking for someone who can connect with me. Understand my taste. I am looking for short-term relations first and wanted to see where it goes. Martial Arts follow... Lena D. Berry Vermillion USA And, fucked hard. Clitoral pump follow... Billie T. Moore Eufaula USA Looking for a guy who can go far overseas for his love. Centerfold follow... Barbara L. Day New Jersey USA I`m like a home cat. Learning An Instrument follow... Cynthia R. Pollock Boise USA The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. Anilingus follow...
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Dating Your Friend's Ex
It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it. Not only is that his best friend, but he massively betrayed him. Inherently, it's a selfish thing. I suspected that she had a low-key crush on me. Tom found out, and he never forgave me.
Technology -Addicted? -Affecting Relationships? Yes and no. Learn when you can and can't try to date your friend's ex. If it was never anything serious and it didn't end badly, she's probably not going to care. You didn't plan it this way. You didn't even seek it out. It just sort of happened. You're into it, he's into it, there's some serious chemistry, and you.. Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?
Dating Your Friend's Ex - AskMen
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Originally Answered: Is it advisable to date a friend's ex? to feel bad must be wrong ("I still have not let go of the relationship, and if you date her, I will feel bad. Sometimes dating your friend's ex is all good, and sometime it's really not. friend was still in a relationship with this person, you were wrong.
YOU DIDN'T PLAN IT THIS WAY. YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEEK IT OUT. IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED.... DOES THIS MEAN YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER DATE A FRIEND'S EX? WELL, ACTUALLY, NO. IT MEANS...
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